Ahhh, carbs. . .it has been a carb day. Mom made buns for me last night. This morning, she made more buns and some caramel rolls for breakfast, then I had a twice-baked potato for lunch, and, for supper, i had a big helping of pasta along with some more buns. That's one thing my future wife will find out very easily about my taste in food. Give me carbs, protein, and orange juice and I will be a happy man. You know, as I look down at the hands that are typing this out right now, I can't help but wonder "Why am I the way that I am?" I sin and fall short of God's plan for me practically every moment of every day. Sometimes I feel like such a fake. I guess we're all guilty, but since I have to live with myself, I see all the imperfections that permeate my every day existence. Anything good that I have: knowledge, faith, love for others. . .any and all of the things that I have that are good, I cannot take credit for. Everything I have that is good in my life is a gift from God. I just have to come to terms with the fact that everything I try on my own will fail. I look back at the time in my life before I knew Jesus as my best friend, and all I can see is emptiness. An empty hope in an empty dream of the American life. As long as I live, I hope to never settle for anything less than what God has planned for me. I don't want to just lay down after years of battle with this world and say, "Okay, guys, I'm tired of fighting, tired of struggling. . .I give up." I want to fight for my Lord until I run out of the breath of life from doing His will. Jesus, wherever You would have me go is where I want to be. I know that anything I plan for myself is destined for disaster. Lord, I'm desperate for You; I get down on my knees and beg You to lift me up, to work through me. . .to be able to show others how great You truly are. Right now, I have been so unable to show You to others. Father, this is my new year's resolution: to lead at least one soul to You before 2005 rolls around. If by my life or death, I can lead one soul to You, it will be enough. My life will have meant something because it changed someone's eternity. For Heaven yet rejoices over one repentant sinner. Yeah. . .I think that's about all for me now. I'm going to go read my new book "Waking the Dead" by John Eldredge. I'm not liking the first part of the book so much. Then again, I didn't really care for the first part of "Wild at Heart" so much either, and that book is phenomenal.

so, until next time. . .adios and God bless

song of the day: "Nerve" by Blindside. . ."Tense, but still so calm. Alright, leaning on Your arm. Beautiful Spirit, talk to me. Holy Spirit, walk with me."